butterfly
     your eyes

across a wall

too long has it been since I last
here I am writing again

filled again with warmth
a glowing fire
that is unextinquishable
happiness that runs to my fingertips

pendulum swung

lost in my own mind
I forget. and remember dreams
She lost me
       where do I walk now?

I try
   have tried not to hurt
have kept my eyes closed and played everyone’s game
but in the end
                 had to
                       end it

         couldn’t stand it
                                anymore

butterfly made me realise
let me into your mind; someone please
let me untangle you for I to untangle myself
in this stream of consciousness
      like to
              waterfall

cracked broken thought

           collecting
                            threading
                                             difficult

ever since she
                      i lost myself somewhere

i know not where I am going or what

flow the dammed leak fractured eyes

i want to look into yours forever
I do not know what anyone is thinking
I did not know you till I saw
       butterfly             

staring across those impossible waters
for an hour
          having to watch
                      I could not
my mind was set

for my eyes see you and I see gold

      butterfly you

butterfly me

and what of the future?
no time to think of the past, it has already gone
walk the line

I thought I had you figured
    I was wrong
let me explore you
       butterfly

you have made me feel alive again
and though time runs against me
I can find steady footing in the river
because
      butterfly
          and I saw
               and butterfly
                    I realised
                        and it meant more to me than others
I could not stand it
    I could not bear to hurt you
      black & white
              these colours

dive

take life with both eyes open

you have awaken my heart butterfly
though my eyes are still tired
they see you

my sunlight in my jar

shadow.

and I sit here now
worn heart worn head
look after my silver fish and I will look after you butterfly

there is no forever.
but there is tomorrow and the next day.
you have given me reason to live again.
rekindled it.

and live is what I shall do, for you, for me
I feel you in every vein and artery
every beating of my heart
from the depths of my chest
you flow through me
I am whole again
and I love you.
because I saw the butterfly
                     and I saw into you as I never have
and I realised
              I have chosen

there is no win without loose, no good without bad, no kind without evil
I could not carry on hurting you two.
In trying to save you both
I hurt both
I had to, to save one
sorry
      but
         from when I saw butterfly
                         my mind was set

and I am painting a picture of golden yellows
butterfly
I tried catching sunlight In a glass jar
all those years ago
black and white
now I see the grey
but a copper butterfly
       brings me my sunlight
              for I see I am the jar

the future is what I paint next
   what others paint as I do
and the trickling of time
we shall see, butterfly
                     what we paint together


for now I have reason to smile.
    I think of you like breathing
                     every minute.
     I wake up seeing you
                   and go to sleep
                           with my thoughts of you







      butterfly.